Friday, July 27, 2007

Angelina Jolie 3

Better Than Chuck Norris:
  1. After consumation of the sex act, Angelina devours her mates.
  2. Angelina Jolie’s doctor takes her temperature with a Kelvin thermometer.
  3. Angelina can start brushfires by walking across grass.*
  4. Dolphins and whales frequently beach themselves in an attempt to see Angelina suntanning.
  5. Angelina Jolie is being deployed to Afghanistan. The mere sight of her will cause Al Qaida members to die from their unstoppable erections.
  6. Every poet who has tried to describe her lips has died from the impossibility of finding the proper adjectives.
  7. Global warming occurs every time Angelina Jolie does a shower scene in a movie.
  8. Old Faith isn’t a geyser; it’s the Earth ejaculating from the mere presence of Angelina Jolie.*
  9. Angelina’s thighs can squeeze coal into diamonds.*
  10. So can her lips.
  11. “Don’t rock the boat” does not apply to Angelina Jolie. She rocks every boat.
  12. Angelina Jolie’s lips can be used as a flotation device.
  13. After Angelina Jolie was born, 50% of the world’s hottest women committed suicide out of respect.
  14. Helen of Troy launched a 1,000 ships. Angelina Jolie slept with every one of the sailors.
  15. Marilyn Monroe died so Angelina could show the rest of the women how it’s done.
  16. Angelina Jolie taught Jell-O how to wiggle.
  17. Angelina Jolie’s pictures have never appeared on “Am I Hot or Not?” Their rating scale doesn’t allow exponents.
  18. Angelina once did her Kegel Exercises in the Pacific Ocean. The resulting tsunami left thousands of Sri Lankans homeless.
  19. Hard water is caused by Angelina Jolie bathing in it.
  20. Sex asks Angelina for tips.



Anonymous said...

Hilarious post! Thanks dude!

Anonymous said...

`Oh my God, that's the funniest post that I've read for awhile!
You can add this:

Angelina is so hot that she can turn straight women into a a HEARTBEAT!

Anonymous said...

the "angelina is so hot she can turn straight women into lesbians" IS VERRYYY TRUEEE!!